Yes, this is another one of those “girlfriend” posts. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. If you really want to know what’s on my mind — and there’s a lot — go ahead and continue to read …
I mention all of this because this past week has been a revelation of sort for me, and my bad luck with women. The Chicago Cubs were on a lot of people’s minds, mine included; in fact, I went over to Wrigley Field the week of the World Series.
While I was thinking about road trips (as mentioned in my previous entry), I had also thought about my run of bad luck finding a date. While on my travels to Chicagoland, there were a few women that caught my eye. One thought led to another, and soon I was thinking about how I couldn’t find anyone where I lived and perhaps moving somewhere else would help me.
And when I think of the Cubs, I think about my drought (cursed) of not even having someone to date (let alone a girlfriend) since relationships — albeit young ones — started when I was in sixth grade. That was 16-17 years ago. Since then, I haven’t even had one woman to say I went on a date with. The closest thing possible to that was taking my female ex-best friend out to lunch one day.
I am starting to think I’ve run my course when it comes to women around my age in Sterling and Rock Falls. I’d say about 95% of them know me, or know of me, and know that I have extreme difficulty trying to hook up with someone. I think most single women that I’m mentioning here believe that I won’t be able to work out because I’m too concentrated on other things — like sports.
Indeed, that’s been my downfall. Throughout my adulthood, I ran a popular high school sports website and it took a lot of my time to make it as good as it was. I didn’t really have time to dedicate toward building and maintaining a relationship. Essentially, I fell in love with my work with high school sports.
There was a brief time, however, when there was more to love than my work with high school sports. Three young children and a now-ex-best friend meant more to me than this whole sports stuff, and I limited my work on my website so that I could dedicate more time to them. Obviously, this situation is no longer, but looking back it proves to me that love of people meant more to me than love for a thing, idea, or concept.
I landed my dream job as a newspaper sports writer at age 17, but that didn’t last too long. So, I spend 10 years trying to build my way back to my dream job; and finally came back in the fall of 2014. Since I had spent so much of my personal time on the stuff that I currently get paid to do, I often do newspaper-related work when I’m not on the clock; whether it’s researching stuff at home, or planning my week’s coverage homework. So yes, I have a problem with keeping work at work.
Perhaps keeping work at work is something that I should do to reserve more time toward relationships; if people keep thinking that I’m too busy to be in one.
Along the way, I’ve always thought to myself the following:
• There are men with autism that have girlfriends.
• There are men less richer than I am that have girlfriends.
• There are men who are much larger than I am that have girlfriends.
• There are men who are worse “hygienated” than I am that have girlfriends.
• There are men who are criminals, murders, con men, that have girlfriends.
• Did I mention I’m honest?
Among all of the deficiencies that I mention, the worst situation to be in is to have more concentration and love for other things which take up the same amount of time as being in a relationship.
I’m simply trying to free up more of my time to have a healthy relationship, that’s all.
When I mention that I think I’ve run my course with the single women my age around here, that means I know no one is interested in me for me. Now, they have have a different image of me they want, which is different from the current me, but if they want me to change for them, what true love is it?
I understand some of the behind-the-back talk. If I was a blue-collar man, I’d probably have a better chance at having a girlfriend. If I had a truck, I’d probably have a better chance at having a girlfriend. If women are going to think that their “checklist” of things in a man is perfectly acceptable, then I should have a “checklist” of my own when it comes to women.
Over the years, I’ve sat back and watched as people around me went through the dating and relationship motions. In fact, today is the 3rd anniversary of the start of the relationship that I had a front seat at, and learned the most from.
If you love my shelter more than you love me, I am going to find out and then I am going to dump you. I’m more than willing to open my house up to anyone, but I’m a part of it. I do not like simply being someone’s ATM. I do not like being screwed over, and I have a public reputation (as a newspaper journalist) to uphold. Perhaps that’s another problem for me: I have such an important reputation to uphold in our Sauk Valley community that I am extremely reluctant to take a chance at things that could possibly screw me over.
This thought was on my mind when I was watching “Dirty Grandpa,” starring Robert DeNiro and Zac Efron, on DVD tonight. Efron’s character is a young lawyer who works with copyrights and patents, while his grandfather (DeNiro’s character) is a wild and crazy guy who forces his grandson to do things which are uncomfortable to him. Efron’s character is getting married soon and has a reputation to uphold, and is coerced to be unfaithful to his fiancee by doing drugs, partying, and whatever with DeNiro’s character. While watching this, I get a little scared myself as I would hate to be in a situation like this with a reputation to uphold as a lawyer and a relationship to be truthful in.
I want women to love me for who I am. If women love me, but want a different version of me to love, than they are simply loving someone else.
No, I may have never been as far as dating a woman before (let alone the “accomplishments” that come after this particular step), but how else do I start? Got to start somewhere. I do have the time to dedicate toward a relationship.
What I’m NOT going to do is constantly ask every single woman I see … that would be creepy. However, I know there is a certain fine line you cross with the number of people you inquire about.
In closing, one night at Casey’s, I got into a small argument with a female co-worker who was shocked that I had ever dated anyone. She was going on about how I was someone who had it in me to have a relationship (she was in one herself), and I kept telling her that I wasn’t ready to be in one and that it wouldn’t be fair to whichever woman it was for me to not be ready for them. She went on and on about how, if I kept up this line of thinking, that I would NEVER be ready for a relationship; and that I have to start at some time.
Perhaps she is right. I am single. I am looking. I have the time. I have what it takes to make my woman happy.
She just has to be real about it.
You have questions? You have concerns? Please let me know, and I will be more than happy to discuss them with you.