Counting The Months

Today marks 10 months since the worst day of my life.

That was when my ex-best friend and I had our falling out. The drama persisted for the next month. With my uncle Sam passing in March, it was a tough time for me.

But since then, it’s been nowhere but up.

Today I reflect on it being 10 months because the number “10” is a nice, round number. When it comes to months, other numbers that come to mind are 1, 2, 3, 6, and 9. The next time I’ll probably reflect on this is when it’s been a year since all of that happened.

But then, I stop counting months. It starts to go by in years after that. 2 years. 3 years. 5 years. 10 years.

I am deeply sorry that everything had to happen the way it did. There were things that I did in poor judgement, but there were some things that my Autism cannot control and I could not help it. I still feel mortified about all that happened, and the person I am today, and the person I was a year ago would NEVER have allowed this to happen.

Each pause-and-reflect moment comes by less often. Time has seemed to heal my wounds, as I don’t think about it as often as I had been. I’ve learned to put aside my anger about the matter, and hope and pray that she, and her family, is living a much better life of happiness, consistency, and renewed vigor.

What am I thinking now that it’s been 10 months since the worst day of my life?

  • Yesterday, I received the Punchy McGump Award for winning the high school football pick’em contest among the Sauk Valley Media Sports Department. I ended up with best overall record, and most confidence points. Talk about a confidence booster in employment …
  • The best way to relieve stress is by doing more things and keeping active. Work will happen. Sleep will happen. Key sports events are coming up soon (football games, college football conference title games and bowl games, Blackhawks hockey, etc.); and I have places to watch them and people to watch them with.
  • My money is managed well, and I don’t let it worry me at the slightest.
  • A small boost of confidence toward landing in a desired role.
  • “Bar talk” is getting better. Social conversations with co-workers are getting better.
  • Despite working and missing out lately, church is a great place to visit to gain more insight about everything. All it took for me was a couple of visits.
  • Adding non-caffinated pop (Sprite in particular) is helping me ease into a better sleep schedule.
  • Switching from Shell to Casey’s is really paying off for me socially.
  • Hanging up the whistle for NISB is one less thing I have to worry about.
  • Finding out that the key to a better life is better health. Good things happen with weight loss.
  • This past weekend, one of my newspaper co-workers and I went to the Whiskey Barrel and had a couple of drinks. There was this hot blonde chick that sat next to me, obviously drunk. She leaned on me, slurred something, and the next thing you know we are looking at each others eyes, drilling pretty deep. All of the things I wanted to say (she was so beautiful) was at the tip of my tongue, but she walked away. I learned a few things based on that experience.

I am also thinking about the strides I have made in the past 2 1/2 years. All of which were made through my best friendship. When that ended, I found myself crawling back into my shell. However, I soon realized that I had all of these experiences that I didn’t have when I broke out of it initially. So I utilized them once again, but this time I didn’t have a hand to hold.

Some of the things has made me a better person through our friendship included:

  • I never walked into a bar before, because I was scared … Now I can walk in, drink a beer, and chat with less hesitation (which gets less as time goes on).
  • I always kept personal battles to myself … Now I am not afraid to talk to certain people about what is bothering me.
  • I couldn’t see myself making small talk with customers at the gas station, because I thought it interfered with their routine … Now I try to say something whenever I can.
  • I never knew what I was like around kids. That feeling of being an important figure for them. Never held a newborn baby before. Done, and done.
  • The confidence to get back into print journalism, first with the SV Sun, and now with SVM.
  • The understanding that my life is not as bad as sometimes I see it.
  • Family is not just blood.

You learn from the good, and you learn from the bad. I am not only a better person TODAY than I was 10 months ago, but also a better person than I was 3 years ago. We don’t meet people by accident; they’re meant to come into our lives for a reason.

And perhaps someone will come into my life at some point later, and I’ll grow from there also.


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