It’s a personal retreat.

DAY 1 – April 18

I have embarked on a six-day retreat away from home and work. I need it. Work and life are stressing me out in the weeks just before my 40^th birthday, and I just need time to get away from seeing reminders that make me think about such struggles. While I planned this getaway a couple of weeks in advance, I received notice just a day before I left that there are going to be more changes with the content creation that I do at work, most notably using a certain software – which has its problems. But … if that’s what the higher-ups want to do, then I guess I have to be bound to follow it. 

That’s another problem: Following direction. I’m a bottom of the Totem pole employee, and many times these changes make me feel like there’s no room for error in making sure everything is done right. I am human. I make mistakes. Everything has a port, and one wrong move seems like it can screw everything up. 

Of course, this is complaining about work. Don’t we all do that? One of the problems that I have always faced, wherever I’ve worked, is that when there is supposed to be a completely new way of doing things, I struggle to adapt. By the time I finally adapt, there’s a new way of doing things again. I struggle with processing such things. This time, it’s because I’m worried about pure craft becoming mass production. 

However, I need to realize that I need to man up, get off my recliner, and tackle these things head-on. I can’t just run away and bury my head in the sand every time something changes. I am taking these six days to reflect, learn, and finding a way to adapt to changes. This all includes:

• Work

• Finances

• Health (on multiple aspects)

• Social life (including this website)

• Better streamlining my life

One set of grandparents never made it to 80. I’m at the halfway point, but well past the time where I need to do something. It’s all against the disadvantage of having the mild side of Autism (Asperger’s Syndrome). 

When I am away from home, and away from all familiarity, this makes me think about the immediate tasks at hand – which I have described. 

I am spending time at a hotel in the north Chicago suburbs. Cheap Motel 6. Works for my budget. I am also not far from home. The north lakefront suburbs are like my “Florida.” There’s a large body of water, and sandy beaches, and – of course – opulence to remind me that success CAN be attained. No, it’s not tropical, but I don’t do well in warm weather anyway. Like Florida, there are plenty of people. Unlike Florida, there aren’t many people on the beaches.

There’s more serenity. Plus, getting from Illinois to Florida involves racing against the clock and making it a speed game. I don’t have to do that when traveling to the Chicago Metro area, as I have carved out leisurely paths to get me to where I want to go. Time is not of the essence on this trip. There’s still a lot I haven’t seen, and perhaps I do visit them, but sightseeing isn’t the priority of this trip.

I need to come back home feeling stronger than what I did when I left. Wait a minute, don’t we all experience that? I guess what I mean to say is that I want to come back home feeling stronger and sustain that for a very long time. 

I need to realize that I need to man up, get off my recliner, and tackle these things head-on. I can’t just run away and bury my head in the sand every time something changes.

Today, I watched some airplanes take off from O’Hare Airport. There’s a conference center near Lawrence and Mannheim in Schiller Park that is a great spot to see them as close as one can get without actually being at the airport. It also was a great way to work on my camera skills – which is another thing that has been bothering me lately with my job (I just can’t seem to have quality pictures to turn in). I’m learning more about aperture and shutter speed, and using the aperture (Av) and shutter speed (Tv) modes to have better quality pictures. The automatic “let the camera figure it out on its own” mode has seemed to fail me. 

There is a bar and grill called The Landing Strip in Schiller, about one-fifth of a mile from where I was watching the plans, that has a patio with good views of outgoing and incoming planes; they run parallel to Lawrence Avenue. I had for lunch what was called the four cheese wreck, which is a grilled cheese sandwich with cheddar, American, Swiss and pepperjack, with ham added. You know how some bars have ceilings where people have attached $1 and $5 bills? At this place, customers have attached plane tickets, boarding passes and even $100 bills! 

I am writing this entry and this paragraph not long after I have checked in to my hotel room. I will call it “home” until Friday morning. I even called it “home” on my Facebook profile – temporarily. Speaking of social media, I have disabled all of my social media apps from my phone, and brought with me an old laptop (c. 2000) that can no longer generate an internet connection. All of this time being unconnected from social media should help me in this trip.

What shall I do tonight? I think writing this entry has helped to ease some of my worries I had while driving. This, and knowing that, once again — I need to realize that I need to man up, get off my recliner, and tackle these things head-on. I can’t just run away and bury my head in the sand every time something changes.

[break in the writing]

Tonight I drove around and practiced night pictures at two places I’ve been to before: The Leaning Tower of Niles, and Maine East High School. I visited the Niles tower a few years ago, but never shot night pics. It was a rather cloudy day, so the clouds were in the way of a good background. I used the aforementioned modes and checked online to see what methods were best. I had never done that before. Also, it seems like the larger the ISO, the better the night picture? Thankfully, I can narrow my pictures down to 1-3 good ones and take note of the aperture and shutter speed to help me in the future. Come to think of it, I can try to take multiple pictures of still poses with multiple variations as easy as the turn of a wheel notch. Also: larger shutter speed, less blur; that may work better than leaving it on the “sports” setting.

After a burger and fries from a local restaurant, I think I want to avoid eating those for the rest of the trip. There’s a Walmart about 3-4 miles from the hotel that I’ll shop at, and hopefully grab something healthier.

Thinking about wandering The Grove in Glenview tomorrow morning. Maybe that might get me walking? Set the alarm for 8 a.m.

DAY 2

There were some paragraphs that I wrote in Day 1 that I have since deleted because I had time to think about all of this further. Those paragraphs were written in frustration, and thinking about it today, they were going to do me no good leaving them in this post.

It’s hard for me to sleep on hotel room beds because I am so used to the familiar contours of my own bed. My back is sore, but it’s nothing a couple of ibprofun can’t fix. So I had a difficult time sleeping because of that. I couldn’t fall asleep, and it made me think about a huge problem I have in life: Following a morning routine.

One would think at my age that a morning routine would be simple, as we are all conformed to it during school days. Evening and overnight jobs broke me out of such a routine, and I only ever got back in it during the two years that I worked the morning shift at one of the gas stations I was at. When I quit the gas station stuff, I went back into my evening-heavy life, and have not adapted a morning routine since. 

Morning routines are easier planned for me than actually executing them. People tell me that it’s easy, and that it’s as easy as “just do it.” Why can’t I do it? 

1) I cannot fall asleep at the same time every night, and it takes me several hours while horizontal or on the recliner to force myself to be tired. Some nights it’ll be 3:30 a.m. before I drift off, and that’s only three-and-a-half hours before 7 a.m. There’s always something on my mind. It doesn’t help living alone. When the morning alarm hits on nights I have little sleep, I am less likely to wake up on time, and there’s a ripple effect to it. It is also worth noting that I have no official work policy that says I need to start my day at a certain time (in other words, there is no such thing as “clocking in” or “clocking out.”) Do it on my own? I have no oversight. 

2) Fear of being a repetitive robot and this becoming something similar to OCD. Life happens unexpectedly. Something unusual may come up. I hate having to tell someone, “Sorry, I have a routine that I need to follow.” Does it make me a bad person if I tell that to someone? 

3) Potential loss of stories. I am considering adopting a strict interview timeframe of between 10:30 a.m. and 6 p.m. However, if that time window does not work out for a story subject, that I potentially face the loss of such a story happening. Setting work boundaries has been very difficult for me. I feel like I need to make myself available at all times in order to make certain that I will have the work I need to do before copy deadlines. If anyone says that before 10:30 is the only time they can meet, I could be screwed. 

4) I really am not assured of it benefiting me. How do I know this is really going to improve my life? 

You think that there will be “off days” when it comes to establishing a routine. However, once I have an “off day,” it is extremely difficult for me to get back into the routine. Perhaps I lack the essential willpower to do things right. 

I don’t even want to share with you what I currently do in the morning, other than it’s just a bunch of “whatever.” It’s too personal.

I brought a yellow notepad with me to write down notes and things to think about. Some stuff is just easier with pen and paper (but writing posts like this requires a word processor). 

Let’s start with waking up at 7. Walking by 8. Breakfast by 8:45. Starting work at 9. Whatever happens with work happens, but there’s got to be an end time. Not sure what to do with that right now; making it too early may result in not getting things done on time. Thinking about work management is next on my list.

Walking. That’s one of the things that I enjoyed doing with a friend for about a year, before Covid, because we would walk on the town’s bike path together each weekday at 7:30. That was at least some sense of oversight. I told myself that walking around is going to be a big part of my retreat right now, and I started that this morning at The Grove in Glenview. 

Let’s talk about The Grove. It’s a very cool place if you enjoy nature and small wild animals. This is a piece of wooded property home to the Kennicotts, notably Robert Kennicott, who was a nature scientist and only lived to age 30. What were you doing at 30? In the mid-1800s, exploring nature science was a thing to do. The grounds, which include the family home, look like the period, and there is a interpretive center with animals and exhibits from Kennicott’s life. Kennicott also explored Alaska in the few years before Seward’s Folly. The largest animal is a 150-year-old snapping alligator turtle that was larger than some of the toddlers who were running around enjoying the place. This is worth coming back to and formally writing about in a dedicated post.

I also tried to watch a few airplanes at Chicago Executive Airport; they took off a little too far away for me to see. Went shopping at Walmart for groceries, which should help me save money and resist the allure of going out to eat this whole time – although there is at least one place that I would like to eat at a few miles from the hotel. 

There is a small riverfront park about a half-mile from my hotel, and I think I’ll go there tomorrow morning.

There is no fridge in my room. I’m hopefully a cooler full of ice will help keep the small amount of grapes I bought cool. There is at least an ice machine here.

I walked around outside, and inside. Since this retreat is about personal improvement more than personal enrichment, I will now take to the notepad and think about how to improve at my job.

DAY 3

Falling asleep was a little easier today. The pain medicine might have had something to do with it. I had to get a head start on improving at my job, and there are some things that I will start to do. I just have to take into consideration that things do abruptly change if need be. 

First, I determined that I would only be available to conduct interviews between 10:30 a.m. an no later than 6 p.m. I think the evening barrier will work fine for me. This will also make me reconsider something that’s been part of my life for 24 years: high school sports journalism. Namely, covering football games on Friday night. I am considering ceasing to do that. I hate to let my fellow sports journalists down, but such a move would the best decision for my health at this time. 

When I return home, I will find out for sure what the work plan is going forward, but this note taking assured myself – for now – that all should be fine. It’s just sticking to it that’s going to be the hard part. I also worked on a social media plan for my stories. I have to manually share them onto my own Facebook and X; stories are automatically shared by my work’s Facebook page upon publishing. Tuesday is the release day for new stories online, and this has dedicated blocks of time both Monday and Tuesday for this purpose. There may also be a way for me to incorporate video into my online content. While this is an added step at my own will, it’s not required, and may be something that I am okay with dropping if it doesn’t get any traction. 

Thinking about all of that made me tired. It was probably midnight by the time I finally fell asleep, and I woke up naturally at 7:15 this morning (no alarm). No trips to the bathroom, or to the recliner – I hope I can stay that way when I get back home. Something I did to help me sleep was to jot down a list of things that I wanted to tackle “tomorrow.” Also, having no social media and house work is helping to contain my thought at the task at hand to improve my life. 

Today, I took a walk around Wood Oaks Green Park in Northbrook. Thought I’d go north today. This park has a walking trail and is around a middle school; it must have been the fitness walking unit in gym class. This is an open field park, with a large sled hill and Lake Shermerville. (I forgot to mention yesterday that I visited the “Shermer High School” from The Breakfast Club yesterday – it’s the former Maine North High School and is now the District Chicago headquarters for the Illinois State Police). Back to walking … the front sign had distances for each of the loops of the trail. I walked around a half-mile today, which was a little more than what I walked yesterday at The Grove. I just have to tell myself not to overdo it so early. 

While walking, I thought about how walking around seems more fun when you’re walking places you’ve never been to before. Hard to do that in town. 

I did forget something at home (which always seems to happen on multi-day trips).

[I also forgot something as I’m in the middle of writing that paragraph: today is actually Monday, and not Tuesday like I had thought.]

I forgot something and stopped by a nearby Jewel to pick it up. To give you a general opinion I have on self-checkouts, I don’t like them. Plus, you don’t get to make small talk with a cashier who has worked there for 52 years, according to her nametag. She was friendly, and we talked about the weather (it seems like more rain is on the horizon). You can’t do that at the self-checkout. 

It is almost noon, and I am about to tackle what’s left on my to-do improvement list. The last of the work improvements will be addressed, and I’ll start on addressing my physical health. 

DAY 4

Woke up later than usual. See, things DO go wrong. I just failed to be motivated today. That’s a lesson learned. I’m determined to go on my final sightseeing and shopping places, and then will spend that night and all day Thursday working on more personal improvement. 

I decided that I’d take my personal improvement thinking today on the road. I returned to Carol Beach in Pleasant Plains, Wisconsin to take in the sight and sound of the Lake Michigan waves from my car, and have something relaxing to help me think. Today’s task is to think about my financial health – keeping in mind that the only money I make is on a small journalism salary. Journalism doesn’t pay well, and that is not a secret. 

There is a sports card store in Waukegan that I paid a visit to in order to find some cards on my “Interested In” list. I wound up getting the 1993 Topps Derek Jeter rookie card, which now completes the set I have (I will later sell the set for cheap). I also bought my first Willie Mays card of him on the Giants during his playing days (1968 Topps Game, creased real bad, but $5). “During his playing days” meaning it’s a Giants card of him between 1954-72. I also bought my first 1971 Topps Super card, that of Cito Gaston. Why Gaston? He managed the Blue Jays to its back-to-back World Series wins in 1992-93 and has been considered on past Veterans Committees for Hall induction. In other words, there is a slight chance of market upside. It’s a long story that takes a quadratic formula or three to explain. 

Today’s walk was around Illinois Beach State Park in Zion. I visited last year, but felt like feeling the lake effect cool breeze while walking. Thirty minutes of walking a day seems like a good goal. As I recently discovered the wonders of shutter speed on my camera, I found a large rock that the waves were hitting real well. I took a few pictures at 1/3200, and it looked like the water droplets and bubbles came in clear on my small viewfinder. I’ll only know when I get home if they turn out well on the computer screen. 

Also visited once more the now-former North Point Marina in Winthrop Harbor, which is the largest harbor on Lake Michigan. Apparently the company that ran the harbor, Suntex, terminated its lease with IDNR and its signs were gone. Not sure about the status of the boats, however, it looks like a new company will be taking over named SkipperBud’s. One day I would like to visit in the summer to see all of the boats. 

Gassed up at a Shell station on the Wisconsin side of the state line. $3.89 for the cheap stuff. $4.49 in Zion, which is 5 miles away. That’s Illinois for you. 

Carol Beach in Pleasant Prairie is my favorite spot on Lake Michigan that I know of; I’ve only completed one-fifth of the Lake Michigan Circle Tour. You can park as close as 40 feet from the shore. It’s in a quiet neighborhood, too. Hearing waves makes me relax. This will be worth a dedicated post in the near future. 

Without getting into too much personal detail, today’s task was thinking about my financial health. Basically: There are a few things that I need to do with house upkeep, I need to find a way to generate more income without feeling overwhelmed (and it’s easy for me to feel overwhelmed, if you haven’t noticed already by my work procedures thoughts), and I should start to pinch pennies a little more. Some of the changes in my life I plan to make also cost a little extra, so there’s that to consider.

Also tried my hand at night-shooting the Superdawg Drive-In in Wheeling. This time I had a small tripod to help me. When I upload it onto the computer, I’ll see if it mattered.

Clothes shopping tomorrow, and I plan to have lunch or dinner at Long Grove Tavern in Long Grove, which is supposed to be the oldest restaurant in Illinois (1847). I’ve already been to the oldest in Iowa (Breitbach’s in Balltown, 1852). I’m typing this in the early evening, and I plan to wrap up my money thinking today, and then tomorrow work on pointers to improve my social life. I don’t plan to visit anywhere Thursday, so I hope being contained to the hotel will help me think about social life clearly. 

DAY 5

There is a chain of clothing stores that I frequent that has a store in Skokie. I forgot to buy a post card from The Grove for my grandmother, and I went back to buy one. I mailed it in Golf, which might be an interesting town name for someone who isn’t aware that the community was settled around the Glen View Golf Club. I asked for a manual postmark for this post card – you can still ask your Post Office for one. 

It was humid and damp today, so I walked around Golf Mill Mall in Niles for my half-mile stroll. It is a dead mall, with only a few stores and a JC Penney left in its main wing (a middle wing is closed off, and a north wing has two anchor stores). Some of the businesses were Korean, as the area around Niles, Glenview and Northbrook has many Korean immigrants. You’d think I know how to speak the language by now, or even sample the cuisine. Maybe next time. Golf Mill has redevelopment plans in stage, and I hear it may also include razing the nine-story office tower in the middle of the ball. The exterior of the tower has dimples like a golf ball does.

I have noticed that many businesses are named after intersections. Golf Mill is named for Golf and Milwaukee. Palwaukee Plaza is named after Palatine and Milwaukee. Chicago Executive Airport, only a few minutes from my hotel, was formerly named Palwaukee Airport. Imagine if my town had something like that: GrisFevre or MillOcust? 

Ate lunch at the Long Grove Tavern, established in 1847 and has been operating ever since. Other claimants have had interrupted periods, such as the York Tavern in Oak Brook, and the Railsplitter Inn in Mossville (both places I’ve eaten at in recent years). The buildings are original, with necessary rehabs over time. The bar counter came from a room at the original McCormick Place, brought over after a fire destroyed McCormick in 1967. The dining room once was a wagon shop. The original horseshoe bar counter, now gone, was where the gaming machines now are. The wood-motif interior gives it a classic look. The place has a few German items on the menu, and has a Friday fish fry and Saturday prime rib. 

The town of Long Grove is well preserved from its 1800s days – a far cry from the “promenade” downtowns (Bolingbrook, for example) and the “gentrified” downtowns (Deerfield) … excuse me, “modernized.” While the siding on these frame buildings in Long Grove have changed, the shapes haven’t. The old buildings contain plenty of mom-and-pop stores. There is a covered bridge over a creek that is driveable on one-lane. You’re more likely to find something interesting in Long Grove than you will at Golf Mill. 

Now for the personal side … I’m typing this paragraph in the late afternoon, and when I close this laptop, I will reflect on my social life. Having Asperger’s means it is tough to be socially relatable. It’s tough to hang out with people. You feel like you’re just not resonating with other people. You feel like you just don’t understand other people. You’re a little worse than an introvert. Sometimes I still have this feeling that I’m still a kid. I’ll be 40 later this month. It’s time to start acting like an adult. Social media is a big part of my life because I can catch up with other people, and vice versa, without interrupting them. 

One of the reasons why it’s hard for me to understand people my age is because most everyone I know has a significant other and children. Their mindsets have evolved to have those into consideration, while mine hasn’t really changed since high school. 

I gather with people quite a bit. With family, I know I have something to talk about; and there are even days when I am completely blank when I’m around them. This has to change. Whenever I’m around people, they’re always talking about something, and many times I feel like if I started talking about something in my life, that it will bore them. In other words, I don’t think I’m interesting enough to them. So to avoid the awkwardness, I stay silent. I know that probably hurts people I know more than it does me. So what do I do? I tend to be around people with like-minded interests. Those people are usually 20-plus years older than me. So maybe things will improve when people my age are empty-nesters? 

Being single, one day I will find the right woman in my life ❤

DAY 6

Unfortunately, as the days go on, this trip log starts to make no sense to someone who is interesting on where I am ACTUALLY traveling to, but rather mentally traveling to. This is by design. I called coming back to the hotel “going home” a couple of times. Today, however, I am anxious to get back. I think all of the personal reflection thinking has me tired – in a good way. I think I just need to understand that this complete rewrite of life should start all at once. Let’s start slow and achieve more from there. 

While I slept well, my back was kind of feeling it this morning, so my morning walk was only a quarter-mile. Today I went to River Trail Nature Preserve in Northbrook. There is a nature trail there, and a small zoo with a coyote and owls outside. Inside, there are turtles, snakes and other informative nature displays. Much of the education is geared toward children. This is in Cook County, and for those who think the county is nothing but Chicago and taxes, there are hidden nature gems around if you just look. 

As Chicago was growing more toward the west during the turn of the 20^th century, a plan was put in place to keep active nature areas intact, and free from urban development. A 1904 Special Parks Commission Report by Dwight Perkins called for these areas, and it was endorsed by Daniel Burnham’s Chicago Plan of 1909. The area around the Des Plaines River, which is where I was, is a big part of that, being only a few minutes from the western reaches of Chicago’s city limits. Being between O’Hare and Chicago Executive airports doesn’t do much to preserve the sound of nature, but the sounds of animals are still prevalent enough to appreciate. 

On previous trips, I never considered walking around outside for a half-mile or so. After this week, I think I’ll do that during my future overnight stays; perhaps at a state park or somewhere. This is one of the new changes that I do need to start. 

I wasn’t able to walk very far, but it walked deep enough to see the Des Plaines River go past its banks. It has been raining for most of the evenings I’ve been here, and we’ve been under sever thunderstorm, tornado and flood watches and warnings. The river is across the street from my hotel, but there is a new-ish levee system that is protecting this area. 

I went el cheapo for lunch: hot food from the Walmart deli. While I was out of the hotel for this, I decided to make one final (for this trip) drive toward Lake Michigan. I drove through Wilmette to get to a place called Gillson Park. They only charge for entry and parking between Memorial Day and mid-October, so if you can catch some good weather in the “off” months, it’s an uncommon free trip to a beach in an affluent suburb – because fees and permits, of course. It was the aforementioned Daniel Burnham, once again in his Chicago Plan, who advocated for the lake shore to be the public’s. It was the lake shore residents who advocated for the profitization of it. I guess they have a point. This park is a straight shot from anywhere in the north suburbs where you can pick up Euclid Avenue; it turns into Lake Avenue east of the Des Plaines River. 

A couple of notes from this drive: There is a log-structured house in Wilmette that dates to 1834, and is supposed to be the oldest home in Cook County – until 25 years ago. The Schmidt-Burnham Home is now a museum open for a couple of hours each Sunday (or by appointment). I also drove by a place called the Wagner Farm Museum, and there were cows there. Just a couple of minutes west of the Edens Expressway on Lake Ave. See, Cook County has agriculture. There are still farms in the extremities of the county, such as near Bartlett and Streamwood. These two places are on my “next time” list. 

Overall, it’s been a great week to get away from my usual surroundings. I hope I’ve established a new appreciation for walking around and getting some exercise. That might change more bad habits when I stick to them (I originally wrote “if” in place of “when” just now.) Without a fridge or an oven at the hotel room, you’re more likely to eat out – and that’s when you start to realize that you do too much of it. That credit card bill adds up. 

I call this “living in the suburbs for a week.” That’s “living” because there’s more than just visiting: I’m stopping in the stores, I’m driving on its roads, I’m taking in the parks, stuff like that. I have always heard the phrase “hustle and bustle” – especially from those I know at Lake Carroll. I’ve only been here for a week, but I didn’t really feel any hustle or bustle. Maybe I’m just a very patient person. I’ve come to understand it takes years for it to grow old, and long to be at a more quieter place downstate – where I’ve lived all my life. Could I survive for longer? Not at $16/hour. 

Today’s personal improvement thinking topic: Improving self-esteem. Touchy topic. I’ll just leave it at that.

[UPDATE: I will start to think “I CAN” instead of “I can’t.” Take a can and draw an “I” on it. I can. I desperately need that mental note.]

This concludes this long series of entries. If you were hoping for places to visit and my usual reports on them, I apologize that this was a little more personal than you might have hoped. However, it’s still all an experience, and it’s still a road trip. It counts. 

As I wandered through Winnetka, Wilmette and Kenilworth the other day, admiring the personal house architecture, some people like me could look at those homes and dream of living in one of them one day. I haven’t found the itch to leave my own home yet. But you never know … something amazing could happen, all I would be writing are these Cody’s Road Trips posts, and I can do everything on my own time. Maybe I don’t dream of living here, but I do dream of the affluence and success. Then maybe I’ll have all of my ducks in a row in my life. 

To much better times,

Cody